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Relationships

Dear Men: If You Want A Great Sex Life, Build Trust First

By Noelle Ottinger·· 4 min read
if you want a great sex life build trust first

Nothing turns on a woman as much as a loyal man. Women definitely aren’t going to be crazy about a man who’s “checking out all his options” before deciding he wants to date you (and only you).

Studies show that women with supportive and loyal partners fare better in relationships, and actually have fun exploring new things in the bedroom. We’re taking a look at how building trust in a relationship is essential for great romance.

Women in Committed and Supportive Relationships Have Better (and More Frequent) Sex

Newsflash: women actually like to “get it on” — under the right conditions.

Experts reveal that women really do thrive in the bedroom, if they're in a committed relationship. Studies have shown that married couples have sex 68.5 times a year, which is more than once a week (and 6.9x higher than unmarried folks). And Maria de la Sanchez, who reviewed 200 studies of sexual satisfaction, said she found that there are more than 40 different ways couples experience sexual satisfaction — all of which noted the highest satisfaction in intimate and supportive relationships.

In fact, marriage and sex therapists Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy highlighted research in their sex guide Enduring Desire that found that the best sex happens in long-term relationships of 15 years or longer. Why is this the case, you may ask? 

The best sex happens in long-term relationships of 15 years or longer.

Mike Lousada, a psychosexual therapist, explains, “In a one-night stand, in short-term relationships, sex can be more of a ‘performance’,” in which “you show the ‘edited highlights’ and you go away at the end not knowing for sure what your partner experienced. ‘I’m here for a few hours, I’ve got five good moves and here they are!’”

But in committed relationships, the pressure to perform is lessened as anxieties about whether you shaved your legs or whether your man likes the color of your panties are of less consequence. Also, the questions of whether your one-night hookup partner has an STD or if they’re into “weird stuff” disappears with a stable, long-term partner. 

Other benefits of sex in marriage or committed relationships are that women tend to feel more comfortable in their own skin, and when her partner accepts her and loves her for the beautiful woman she is, she will reach orgasm more frequently. Furthermore, according to research, women who feel more emotionally attuned to their partner have more sex.

Women who feel more emotionally attuned to their partner have more sex.

So how can a man convey that he loves his woman for who she is? How can the couple build a connection where both are emotionally attuned to each other? One effective way is by building trust. 

Building Trust 

So how can we build trust? To start with, be honest and be yourself. Being genuine about who you are helps others to trust you because they can be confident that you’re for real. Plus, if you are comfortable in your own skin, this is a huge turn-on for a woman since confident men tend to be better lovers, according to a European study. (Now there is a difference between confidence and cockiness, and nothing shuts down a woman’s desire like an egomaniac — unless you’re one of the three blondes swooning for Gaston in Beauty and the Beast.) 

Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries

Respect builds trust because it tells the other person that you understand and uphold their needs and agree to meet their needs in a way that’s good for them. If your significant other doesn’t trust you to keep her secrets or embarrassing quirks, she won’t go to town to make sure you’re sexually satisfied. Respect goes both ways, after all. 

Respect builds trust because it tells the other person that you understand and uphold their needs and agree to meet their needs in a way that’s good for them.

Be Faithful and Loyal

Not only is being physically faithful critically important but also being emotionally faithful is huge for a relationship. No one wants to make love to someone whose mind or heart is focused on someone else. 

Take a Genuine Interest in Your Partner and Listen

Sometimes (okay, all the time) women just want to be heard and seen. If you choose to spend time with us, and openly communicate with us, we will reciprocate and show you how much we desire you. If you show us love and attention, we’ll show you love and respect in multiple ways.

Closing Thoughts

Trust comes with time, and a person’s character has to be proven. Being in tune with your partner in non-physical ways builds the foundation for satisfying sexual intimacy, and for giving couples courage to try new things in bed.

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