Relationships

Ask Evie: I'm Getting Mixed Signals From A Guy Who I Thought Liked Me. What Do I Do?

Welcome to Ask Evie, our advice column. Readers can submit their questions, and our editors will dish out their best advice!

By Evie2 min read
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READER’S QUESTION: “Hi! I’m in college and I made friends with a guy who seemed super sweet at first (and he seemed sort of into me), so I asked him casually if he wanted to hang out and go to the movies, so we could become more friendly as I started to develop a crush on him (but didn’t want it to be a date… just a friends thing). However, I’m worried if he took it as me asking him out because when he asked which day and I said Friday, he said he couldn’t because he had to study and no to another date because of something else (both days were Friday evenings). And now I’m super embarrassed and don’t even know if I can talk to him because of this. Is it a rejection? Most people can do things on Friday nights. Did he think I was asking him out? Worse yet, I saw him with a bunch of girls hanging out with him, and he even gave one of them a hug! Now, I’m unsure if he even liked me in the first place! I have to see him soon… how can I talk to him again like normal?"

EVIE’S ADVICE: College dating is hard! Everyone is sending signals – sometimes on purpose, sometimes on accident, sometimes mixed – and everyone else is trying to interpret those signals. Not all signals are accurate, unfortunately. So how do you interpret this guy's attention and intentions? Some of the potential explanations are: 1) He's someone who hangs out with a lot of girls and interacts in a way that's unintentionally misleading. 2) He hangs out with a lot of girls and flirts because he's trying to find a girlfriend. 3) You became friends, and then he realized you're interested in him more than he is in you, and he's trying to discourage your attention without having to say no directly (a.k.a. he’s trying to friendzone you).

Regardless of his intentions or confusing signals up to this point, the only way to get more information about what's going on is to see him again. Say hi and chat with him for a few minutes, and then move on to talk to someone else to keep the pressure off both of you. Does he seem really into your conversation? Or is he trying to keep it short or end it quickly or not really engaging? Giving romantic encouragement is all about who you give your time and attention to, so use that principle to help you judge.

Giving romantic encouragement is all about who you give your time and attention to.

You could also invite him to a group event that is clearly a friend thing – like going bowling or hitting up a local concert with your friends. If he says yes, chances are he's interested in at least friendship, and you can see where it naturally progresses from there. If he’s interested, he’ll eventually make it known through small interactions or asking you out one on one. If he says no, chances are it's a rejection.

If you do get rejected, try not to take it too personally (although we know that’s easier said than done). There could be a number of reasons that have nothing to do with you behind why he isn’t interested in a romantic relationship. He may not be ready to settle down and commit to a relationship, he may already be involved with or chasing after someone else (whether at your school or not), or he may even be figuring out his sexuality and confused about what he’s really looking for. In any case, a man who rejects you isn’t the man for you. You want someone who is more than thrilled at the opportunity to pursue you and doesn’t send mixed signals about where he stands.

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com