Ask Evie: I’m Falling In Love With The Guy I’m Dog Sitting For But I Don’t Know If He’s Married

READER’S QUESTION: “I'm 22, and I've fallen in love with the guy I'm dog sitting for. He and I have been sleeping with each other, but he's 43, and I'm not sure how to move forward. My parents aren't really supportive, but I truly feel like he's the one. At the same time, I kind of feel like he's setting boundaries. For example, I can only visit certain days of the week, and I don't know what he's doing when he's out of town. I'm worried he's married or has a girlfriend since the house I'm dog sitting at is his vacation home. How do I proceed?”

EVIE’S ADVICE: Girl, we say this with love, but you’re sleeping with someone and you don’t know if he’s married??? It’s time for you to set some boundaries of your own.

Your gut is telling you something about this situation is fishy, and you owe it to yourself to figure that out. If he only permits you to visit on certain prearranged days and doesn’t tell you where he is when he’s not at his vacation house, then it’s entirely possibly and even likely that he does have a girlfriend or a wife in the background and he is simply using you. He is a much older man and your employer – it’s not outside the realm of possibility that he has just been using his age, experience, and position to manipulate you emotionally and sexually.

If he confesses or you discover that there is another woman, do yourself a favor and say goodbye to this guy for good.

Which is why it’s high time for you to do your due diligence and find out what’s going on, or call it quits. The most direct way is to ask him if he’s connected at all with another woman – dating, engaged, married or anything in between. Of course, he could lie and lie well, so you’ll still have to do a bit more investigating. Does he have social media or a digital footprint at all? Do some digging and find out what's going on here. Additionally, you can usually tell by how a home is decorated (even a vacation home) whether there's a "woman's touch" on the decor. Look for family photos, any evidence of a woman/kids, or too many throw pillows on the bed (we’re only half kidding about the throw pillows). 

If he confesses or you discover that there is another woman, do yourself a favor and say goodbye to this guy for good. You can find another job that doesn’t come with a cheating liar. It might hurt like hell because you’ve let yourself fall in love with him, but you deserve so much better. 

Even if you find that there is no foul play and he's single, if you've been sleeping with him for a while now and have "fallen in love" with him, then it's past time to define the relationship and set some boundaries yourself to make sure you're not just being used for his pleasure. Otherwise, you risk getting your heart broken and feeling like you've wasted your time and energy on someone who wasn't worth it.

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.