“Are We Dating The Same Guy?” Groups Are Starting To Look Like Online Harassment Hubs

For the uninitiated, the groups were made for women as a way to warn each other about bad dates, cheaters, and sketchy behavior in their area. Except, nowadays, men are reportedly getting posted not for assault or manipulation but for minor “icks” and other petty reasons, like having a beard, replying late, or just existing on dating apps.

One Redditor described what happened when their younger brother got posted in their local group of over 100,000 members. “Just a screenshot of his Hinge profile saying ‘anyone talk to this guy?’” they wrote. “There are 150+ comments so far. About 4 of these comments are actually from women saying they have met him or gone on a date. The rest are insane. WILD speculation. A ton of commenters deciding he must be a serial cheater based on his appearance. A few comments saying he’s probably gay.”

Another top comment speculated on his texting habits. “I matched with him but I noticed he’s slow to respond on weekends," one read. "It’s pretty clear he’s hiding something.” Others focused entirely on appearance: “Many comments were just gleefully critiquing his appearance. Everything about him was heavily scrutinized and mocked. From his facial features to his fashion sense to his beard and everything in between.”

The Redditor added, “I feel pretty bad for him and he actually seems quite upset. Multiple people have texted him about seeing it, including a coworker. It’s complete bullshit that he has thousands of people anonymously picking apart his entire life for the sin of daring to make a Hinge profile.”

Another man described the same sick feeling. “Got posted to one over the summer and a couple girls from work discovered it. Luckily they're super great and showed me but it was the most nauseating feeling I've had in a long time. There were a few comments which were all pleasant but it made me realize that an exorbitant number of matches I had were lurking and participating in the group. I can blame Women for wanting to feel secure and safe, but f*cking Christ it's psychotic.”

He added, “Also—the whole 'slow to respond' comments check out.”

One woman on X decided to look through the groups herself. “Joined a few cities to investigate what’s going on in these groups and it’s just nasty women, baby mamas, hoes screaming about men, sometimes arguing, cringe libtard memes. Truly a bizarre corner of the internet,” wrote @amishescapee.

The tone of these groups, some of which now have over 150,000 members, ranges from innocent questions to gossip to full-blown character assassination. According to Redditors who have intercepted the group, posts are rarely removed.

The stakes are getting higher, too. Last year in Chicago, a man named Nikko D’Ambrosio sued nearly 30 women, along with Meta, for defamation after he was posted in one of the city’s “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” groups. According to NPR, women in the group commented things like “very clingy, very fast” and accused him of ghosting. One linked to an article about a man charged with sexual assault, not D’Ambrosio, but the lawsuit claims the implication was there. One claim stated a man “was put on administrative leave because of what a woman posted against him” and that some were being accused of having STDs. The suit argued that thousands of men could be in the same situation, with their names dragged in posts they don’t even know exist.

His attorney, Marc Trent, said, “They're making malicious posts that are defamatory, that are destroying men's lives.”

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