5 Ways You Are Pushing Men Away

Why do some women have all the luck with men while others struggle to land a date? Here are five reasons why you may be pushing good men away.

By Juliana Stewart3 min read
Pexels/cottonbro studio

Your girlfriends are all coupled up, Valentine's Day is around the corner, and it's making you feel a little bit sick. Don't worry, we've all been there, and so have your girlfriends. Being single can be fun, but what if you've been single for a good few years? You've tried dating apps, you've joined local activities to "meet new people," and your friends have tried setting you up, but no one has quite hit the mark.

You're also attractive, you've got a decent job, and you have things going on in your life, so what's getting in the way? 

Here are the top five reasons you may be accidentally pushing good men away without realizing it and what to do about it.

1. You Keep Picking the Wrong Men

Maybe you've been on dates with guys who are flaky, or they haven't been your type, or they were just plain wrong. For example, many women go for bad boys because they're fun and slightly dangerous, but they're also terrible at relationships. They'll tell you all the things you want to hear to get what they want, and then suddenly disappear. They're painfully unreliable. They cause drama and heartache, so they're probably not the best type to settle down with.

What to do about it?

Take a look at your dating history and see if there are patterns that you can learn from. Do you keep dating the same type of man over and over? If so, try dating different men. Do the opposite of what you would typically do.

Your usual type might seem familiar and safe, but they don't make you happy. So, really, they're not safe.

While your usual type might seem familiar and safe, they don't make you happy. So, in reality, they're not safe. You want to stop dating guys who you know deep down will disappoint you in the long run and open yourself up to a different kind of guy.

2. You're Too Closed Off

Many times a man will flirt with a woman, but she doesn't reciprocate. Women miss cues because she's a) not into him, b) doesn't know how to flirt back, or c) she's too closed off. 

Women miss countless opportunities to connect with potential suitors, unwittingly pushing them away. They do this with guys at the grocery store, at their local coffee shop, and on social media because, well, they're closed off. Sound familiar at all?

What to do about it?

How can you tell if a guy is into you? If you're attractive and a man is single and talking to you, then he'll likely want to date you if you give him a chance.

If you want men to be more forward, you need to be open and approachable. When a man approaches you, instead of shrugging him off and pushing him away, try smiling at him. If he talks for a good 10 minutes, he's obviously enjoying your company. If you like him, just relax and try to connect with him. Be open and flirt if you feel comfortable. Don't know how to flirt? Compliment him on his clothes or his job. (And read our articles on flirting here and here!) Seem interested in him, and he'll be more interested in you.

3. You Self-Sabotage

Do you date men for a couple of weeks or months, but then the relationship suddenly ends? Maybe you weren't compatible with those men, but if it keeps happening again and again, perhaps you're doing things to sabotage yourself and push him away? 

For example, some women are afraid of commitment because they watched their parents go through a terrible divorce and don't want to repeat the same mistakes. Or sometimes, a woman gets cheated on and is too scared to trust again. Other women are genuinely afraid of being truly happy. Deep down, they don't feel worthy enough to be in a loving and committed relationship, so they unconsciously do things to ruin it. Their fears hold them back and become a self-fulling prophecy.

Your fears hold you back and become a self-fulling prophecy.

What to do about it?

How are you going to stop pushing him away? Become aware of your patterns. Again, look back at your dating history and see if any recurrent behaviors could have impacted your break-ups. Did you let any insecurities get in the way, or did you throw temper tantrums, for example? Sometimes we do things without realizing why we’re doing them, and the only way to learn from our mistakes is to become aware. Becoming aware of how you're acting, why you’re acting that way, and the response you're getting will help you control the behavior and make positive changes.

4. You're Too Controlling

Maybe you're a Strong Independent Woman who can take care of herself and pay for her own bills. It's 2021, after all. 

Look, it's not that men don't like strong, independent women. It's just when a woman leads with her CV, it can appear like she's putting on a tough exterior to prove her worth. It can seem fake if, deep down, all you want is to meet Mr. Right and let him take the reins once in a while. Men can sense this and can often be repelled by it.

What to do about it?

Learn about the polarity between the masculine and the feminine. Polarity is what causes attraction, so if you want to meet a strong masculine man who takes the initiative and woos you, then you're going to have to let down your guard and show him your softer side, i.e., your authentic self and your heart. 

5. You're Too Anxious or Needy

We've all seen women act way too keen over a guy they've just met. Whether it's checking her phone a million times to see if he's messaged, or she stalks his social media, or she'll walk by his office to "accidentally" bump into him, all of these behaviors give off needy and insecure vibes.

A woman who is anxious or needy shows a lack of control over her emotions. 

Men can detect neediness from a mile away, and a woman who is always anxious shows a lack of control over her emotions. It shows you're way too keen, and you'd probably do anything for him. This intensity (and desperation) pushes men away.

What to do about it?

Keep yourself busy. Keep going to the gym, keep meeting up with friends, and keep up with your daily routines, so you're not always thinking about men 24/7. When your life is full, and you're genuinely happy with everything, a guy not messaging won't seem like the end of the world. You’re too busy being fabulous to notice!

Closing Thoughts

You can't control who will ask you out on dates at the end of the day, but you can control how you present yourself to the world. Now you know what pushes men away, try working on cultivating yourself and your heart so you can attract the right man into your life.