5 Ways To Find Your Future Husband, Sans Screens

Online dating is certainly the most popular way for meeting potential mates, but many women are getting fed up with the endless scrolling. Cell phone screen time has increased to almost 30 hours a week for young adults in their early twenties. Combine that with frustrations from dealing with cheaters, ghosters, and trolls, and the fact that “couples who met online had the highest risk of divorce during their first three years of marriage,” and we can see why there may be a desire to move offline.

It’s important to note that there’s nothing wrong with online dating. In fact, I know plenty of amazing couples who met via a dating app and are now happily married! I would even go so far as to say they’re the lucky ones, not me. Given some shocking stats from recent studies, meeting a suitable partner online seems to be getting more and more difficult.

Cheaters and Ghosters and Trolls, Oh My!

Data collected in 2018 suggests that “between 18 and 25% of Tinder users are in a committed relationship while [using] Tinder.” 18-25% is a pretty high percentage. This means that out of every four or five men you could be talking to on Tinder, one of them is likely to be in a committed relationship already. I think it’s safe to say that we don’t need any more Adam Levines. Additionally, women may want to avoid the world of online dating because the risk of being ghosted one too many times could result in negative psychological effects, such as perceived helplessness and loneliness. Others may choose to stay offline because they might become the victims of relentless trolling or get stuck with a permanent pen pal.

Despite all this, there is hope. Luckily, we’re not tied to our screens. There are ways to meet amazing men, in person, without a dating app. But how? It seems impossible, but I promise, it’s not. Below are five things I did that helped me meet my husband, in person, sans screens. Grab a coffee, pull up a chair, and let’s dive in!

1. Look Good, Feel Good, and Get Noticed

How about we start with the basics? It would be extra challenging to find your husband if you don’t first have self-love. You’ve heard the age-old adage, “look good, feel good.” A quick disclaimer with that: I’m not here to tell you how to do your makeup, what to wear, or how to style your hair, or even comment on anything that actually has to do with superficial “looks.” But what I will say is that positive body image and self-love can help so much with confidence. If you truly know and love yourself, flaws and all, then you’ll be radiating confidence. Everyone will want to know who that girl is, and that’s how you get noticed. If you’re struggling to feel beautiful (we’ve all been there), spend some time talking it out with a family member, friend, therapist, or mentor who can walk with you on your journey to self-love. Build your confidence, work on yourself, and become the best version of you.

2. Switch Up Your Routine 

We often get stuck in our daily routines, but it’s fun to shake things up once in a while! This can be as basic as walking into work through a different door in the morning, giving yourself a chance to encounter new people. Another easy one is trying a new coffee shop every week. How about taking a different running or walking path than your usual one? Try visiting a new gym, grocery store, or mall. All of these little changes not only make life a little more fun, but they also increase your chances of running into a handsome stranger!

Between World War II and 2013, the most common way to meet your spouse was through friends. 

3. Your Family and Friends Can Help, Just Ask!

According to one study, between World War II and 2013, the most common way to meet your spouse was through friends. As online dating gained popularity, this method of meeting others waned. Throw in a global pandemic, and suddenly set-ups and in-person introductions became a rarity. Your friends know you well, as does your family. They can help you find someone who might be a good match. My husband and I collaborated to introduce my best friend to his best friend, and now they’re married! Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for help finding a date. Something as simple as, “Hey, I’m single and looking to date. Do you have anyone in mind?” It might feel awkward at first to ask for help finding dates, but your family and friends love you and want to see you happy – so let them help!

4. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Talk to People

This one can be tough, especially if you’re an introvert like me. There are varying degrees of “getting out of your comfort zone,” so pick one that won’t send you into a spiral of anxiety. For me, simply smiling at strangers and saying “hello” was tough enough, so that was a good place to start. Just be friendly to others and see what happens! Funny enough, it was this practical advice that helped me meet my husband. By making small talk with a complete stranger (who just happened to be his aunt), my husband and I were introduced to each other.

5. Relax and Trust the Process

The toughest piece of advice I have for you is probably this one: relax and trust the process. It can be so hard to just let go and let yourself be okay with the process of waiting. We desire relationships with others so strongly (which is a good thing), but it’s easy to let the anxiety of it all get to us. Practice letting go. We can’t control everything in our lives, including how and when we meet our future husband. There’s no secret formula (sorry if you were looking for one!), but once we start to truly live our lives and stop worrying about the future, our days become far more abundant, joyful, and free.

Closing Thoughts

If you’ve been feeling the tug to hop off dating apps, but have been scared to take the leap, I hope these five pieces of advice give you the courage you need. But remember, no matter how you meet your husband, know that there will always be challenges. To quote the great Flannery O’Connor: “a good man is hard to find.” Be patient with yourself, let go as best you can, and try to have fun in the meantime!

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