Who Has It Harder In The Dating World, Men Or Women?

The world of dating has changed a lot over the years, and even more so since the advent of the world wide web. Pre-internet, you had no other choice but to put yourself out there and meet people organically, typically through work or mutual friends. While the introduction of dating websites and apps might make it seem like it would be easier to meet people and find true love, a lot of singles believe that it makes dating more difficult.

Dating Looks Different Nowadays

With dating apps comes the paradox of choice. When you’re presented with limitless options, it’s difficult to narrow down your choices and actually choose a mate. People tend to fall for the delusional belief that someone better is out there, so they keep searching and pass up perfectly good matches in the process. 

While the way many singles find dates has changed, the entire culture around dating has also undergone a major shift. Nowadays, many people date casually and aren’t looking for anything serious, which is something that can be difficult to suss out on the first few dates. People now approach dating with wildly different expectations and intentions. 

Some people are looking for marriage, others for shorter-term relationships, and still other are just looking for casual sex. Many singles are unsure about what their intentions are at all, whereas 50+ years ago most people dated with the goal of finding a long-term relationship. And once they found someone they liked, they stopped looking.

The culture of online dating, limitless options, and casual sex makes people seem disposable.

Singles also used to date people they had a social connection to, not strangers they matched with on Hinge. The culture of online dating, limitless options, and casual sex makes people seem disposable. If you don’t like your current match, you can just keep swiping and find someone better. 

Navigating the current state of the dating market can be exhausting, which is why it’s unsurprising that the researchers over at PEW polled U.S. adults and found that nearly half of them say dating has gotten harder in the last 10 years. There are many reasons why dating has become more difficult in our modern world, and those challenges affect men and women in slightly different ways. But who really has it worse? 

According to that same study, “Women are much more likely than men to say dating has gotten harder (55% vs. 39%)." It’s important to remember that this study is based on self-perception and not hard science. These are all subjective metrics, but the results are still interesting. The changes in the way American singles date have affected both sexes, but why might women perceive that dating has become harder for them than it has for men? I can think of a few reasons. 

Why One Sex Thinks They Have It Harder

We’ve already discussed why dating apps and casual dating culture have made dating more difficult in general, but these shifts have clearly had a different impact on women than on men. Part of that is because “casual dating” – i.e. hooking up and having sex sans commitment – benefits men far more than it benefits women. 

Despite what modern feminism and pop culture tell women about how they can take birth control and sleep with whomever they want with zero consequences, their biology is telling them something different. Have you or a friend ever “casually” dated a guy, only to develop feelings and get your heart broken when those emotions weren’t reciprocated? This scenario happens all the time because women are primed for long-term pair bonding. 

When women are intimate, we release much higher levels of oxytocin (the love and bonding hormone) than men do, which is why women get attached much more quickly in the earlier stages of a relationship. This biological difference sets women up for much higher rates of heartbreak on the casual dating scene. 

In addition to having a harder time dealing with the emotional nuance and turmoil that casual dating entails, women are also having a harder time finding dates in general. This is likely due to something called hypergamy. Hypergamy is a dating phenomenon where women prefer to date either across or up the socioeconomic spectrum. Essentially, most women would prefer to date a man who is better educated or makes more money than she does. 

Men swipe right three times more often than women.

Nowadays, more and more women are going to college. As recently as 2021, women made up nearly 60% of college students in the United States. While it’s great that more women are going to college and getting advanced degrees, it does complicate dating and relationships a bit. If women prefer to date across and up the socioeconomic spectrum and women are now becoming more educated than men, then their choices of mates are bound to become more limited. 

This is why women are much more selective on dating apps. Men swipe right three times more often than women, which sets them up for a good amount of frustration as well. 

Why No One Wins

While women might believe that they have it harder, they’re not the only sex struggling in our culture’s dating environment. Many men are so frustrated by the current state of dating and relationships that they are removing themselves from the dating pool altogether. About six in ten men under 30 years old are single; 57% of all singles reported that “they are not currently looking for a relationship or casual dates.”

This trend not only makes it harder for single women to find a good match, it’s also making men miserable. Since 1970, marriage rates have declined by 60%. Why is that bad for men? Well, consider this fact: Married men on average have better mental and physical health than their single peers, and the same thing is true for women. There’s currently a loneliness epidemic in our country that’s harming both men and women, and the culture of casual dating and meaningless sex certainly isn’t making things better. 

Of course, this isn’t to say that marriage is easy or that getting married will solve everyone’s problems, or that it’s a foolproof way to be happy. It would be naive to think that. Marriage and building a life with someone is hard work. Anything worthwhile in life is going to be hard, but that’s what makes it meaningful.  

Closing Thoughts

The current state of dating is a mess. Although women might have it marginally harder (albeit by subjective metrics), men are struggling as well. The only way to begin bridging the gap between the misery and loneliness of casual dating and the happiness that can come along with long-term commitment is to bring some respect and investment back into the dating scene. 

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